Are You Subconsciously Making Others Blame You For Their Problems?
Does it ever frustrate you that people around you don’t seem to take responsibility for their actions and are just blaming you or someone else for their mistakes? It sure ticks me off! I do believe we have a way of drawing certain people into our lives without meaning to. Whether this is with energies or purely body language I don’t know, but such a massive life lesson I learnt is – If You Blame Yourself, Then Other People Will Too! So what the hell is going on here?
If You Blame Yourself, Then Other People Will Too!
You Say Sorry When You Shouldn’t
Do you ever turn around the corner in a super market with your trolley and there’s another person coming the opposite way and you both nearly bump into each other, what’s the first thing we’ve been taught is polite to do? Say sorry and smile. But why? In that scenario is there really anything to be sorry for? It’s one of those automatic responses.
I remember years ago I said sorry to a friend for something random and they turned to me and in jest said back, “So you should be!” which kind of got up my nose. In my head I was then going over an argument as to why it actually wasn’t my fault and they shouldn’t be so rude in that response and then I realised, really I shouldn’t have said sorry in the first place. By saying sorry, I took responsibility for that action. I thought they would understand the situation and think I was just being nice and polite – but they didn’t. They thought it was my fault and that I was useless, because I just took responsibility for what happened!
I thought they would understand the situation and think I was just being nice and polite – but they didn’t. They thought it was my fault and that I was useless, because I just took responsibility for what happened!
A Lot Of People Don’t Like Taking Responsibility
It can be one of those things where opposites do attract. People who don’t like taking responsibility might be attracted to people who blame themselves for far too much. We live in such an Age Of Entitlement and there are a lot of “So You Should” people out there.
I remember many years ago being trained in one of my jobs (we are going back too far for me to remember) but it was a very big deal back then to never take personal or corporate responsibility for something. You should show empathy to a customer, acknowledge their distress and try to fix the situation, but actually taking the blame for something can open you up to legal action. It may not be your fault at all! Please be very careful if you do work with customers, because people can be ruthless when it comes to money particularly.
Actually taking the blame for something can open you up to legal action.
You Are Shaping Other People’s Opinions Of You
You need to have confidence in yourself and your abilities. If you really look at the quality of work a lot of people put out, there really are a lot of people who are able bluff because of confidence. I
have met some incredibly gifted, knowledgeable and capable women who have set such a high standard for themselves, they are constantly beating themselves up for not reaching that standard.
If you are disappointed in yourself, keep it to yourself and be careful how you present yourselves to strangers. You cannot control all of the factors which may lead to something not working out for you, and if you go blaming yourself and telling someone why it’s all your fault, you are creating an argument with them as to why you are not very good at your job or whatever.
If you go beating yourself up in front of the wrong people and creating an argument as to why things didn’t work because of you, they will start blaming you for future problems. Remember it may not even be your fault, and even if it is, don’t go making your own life harder by creating a picture in other people’s minds of someone who is not competent. You may be the best at your job!
If you go blaming yourself and telling someone why it’s all your fault, you are creating an argument with them as to why you are not very good at your job or whatever.
So What Do We Do?
If you are serious about tackling this in your life I suggest you really focus on this as a goal, because it’s probably deeply rooted into your
subconscious and is going to take a lot of training and mindfulness before it’s automatic.
Here are a few things to help get your started:
- Ask yourself why you are blaming yourself for everything? Should you be saying sorry in this situation?
- Be mindful when something does happen what your automatic reaction is, like my shopping trolley scenario earlier, I try to smile and nod now as a polite gesture instead of saying sorry
- Keep any negative opinions to yourself and save them for someone you trust. It’s good in the work place to have a supervisor or mentor you can go to and talk about what happened with. A dear friend is always precious too.
- Remember that you are human and don’t put unrealistic expectations on yourself. I know these days workplace health and safety and paper work has swung too far in ridiculousness in making us responsible for everything, but you are a person, not a machine.
- Always remember that multiple factors are at play in a scenario, and anything you may have contributed is probably only one factor.
- Take time to think about what happened, and do take responsibility where it is necessary. You will definitely make mistakes – isn’t life fun!
When something is your fault, do apologise and do what’s right to rectify a situation, but be careful how you do it. I always imagine the situation as if someone were to turn to me and say “so you should be sorry” and consider if that would be justified. It’s a silly cultural habit we have – saying sorry for everything – and it needs to stop. Don’t let other people bring you down and blame you for their mess, because sadly there are a lot of people out there like that.
You may be wonderful, but you are only human. Don’t beat yourself up when you don’t need to. You are not all powerful and all knowing!
I am rewiring my subconscious so that I stop self sabotaging habits by applying principles that are used for business success in other areas of my life such as health and relationships. My mentors have been helping me with some incredible resources to just revolutionize my life. For me, this started with taking charge of my lifestyle with a business I am passionate about and have total control over. You can take charge of your own life and get in touch with my mentors by clicking here.
Love yourself and keep being you – because you are an original!
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